You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
