you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
