hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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