Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
