my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.