My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
