Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened