It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.