He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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