Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
