My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
