He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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