yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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