dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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