i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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