plz talk dirty to me
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
