I'm going to rape someone's good day.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
