Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
