i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize