I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
