I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
