Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
