my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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