Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
bring money and cleavage
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
