dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
