yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
