Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
