he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
