hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
