She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
