dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
