I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We talked him into tasing himself.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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