Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
