Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
