mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
