I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
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