Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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