the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
