I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Randomize
