My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
