Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
