remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
