there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
