So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize