her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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