Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
