I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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