My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
