Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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