Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
