He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
