i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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