well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My feet surprised me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
