Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
her vagine was all disorganized.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
