I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
