u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
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I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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