Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
