I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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