im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
