SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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