i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
