We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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