I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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