Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
