Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
