no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
