how can u be prego again
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
