For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
