shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
