bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My balls are so social today.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
