Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
