Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
