next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
